I have a mountain house that is in the boonies and the electricity is furnished by a Co-op. I get their magazine called the Tennessee Magazine. There was an article in this last one written by Debra Gibson Issacs that said a lot about what I see in life.
She told of an old Cherokee story of the wolves. It goes like this. “A grandfather was teaching his grandson about life. A fight is going on inside of me, he told the boy. It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil-he is anger, envy, sorry, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is good- he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. The grandson thought for a minute. He looked up at his grandfather and asked, who will win? The grandfather replied, the one I feed.
When my husband died nine months ago I had a night with God. I was up all night. God and I had a real session. I was angry, upset, bewildered and emotional.
I questioned God and His motives.
I questioned God and His love for me.
I questioned all of the days that I had been so devoted to Him.
I knew the reality of death. No one is alive after being in the water for three hours. So I knew it was a done deal. But I was mightily upset. I had been a good person, a true Christian, a devoted wife, a loving mother and a hard working professional. I was a follower of the rules; a product of the fifties.
As I have written before, the morning came and there was clear cut information from God. It was not your choice, it was mine. I am more powerful than you. I know you are hurting and in pain. But I will always carry you and care for you and be with you.
So God gave me a choice. Deal with it, continue my love for Him, enjoy the memories and have an intimate relationship with Him so that he could help me through everything. Or I could be angry, sad, in denial, feel guilt, have regret and turn against Him and all other people as I refused to accept it and move on.
Many, many people look at me and feel that I am in extreme denial. They are watching for they know I will fall apart soon. They are bold enough to say that this is going to happen, but that when it does they will be there for me. These are my friends. I can only imagine what others are saying that are not as close to me.
I believe the story of the wolves. We do have choices in our lives. I believe that I could feed the evil wolf. No one would blame me. It was a traumatic event. It was life changing. I meet many people that choose to feed the evil wolf. I think Satan rejoices when he leads people in that direction and they choose to embrace the evil wolf.
I choose to feed the good wolf. I intend to praise God for each sunrise and ask what I can do to serve Him on that day. I work hard at peace, love, serenity, benevolence, kindness, compassion and faith. I put effort into feeding the good wolf.
I am rewarded each day. God walks with me, helps me, guides me and allows me to have peace and joy. Everyone of us has the same choice.
Wake up with gladness in your heart and feed the good wolf that is inside of you.