Tag: husband

Big Mouth

On By SandraIn gratitude, loveLeave a comment

A few days ago we all listened and watched a tree frog on the banister of our second floor porch. Now, you all know how small these creatures are. It is about the size of a fifty cent piece. Of course, you have to be my age to even remember fifty cents pieces. Nevertheless, it is a tiny little thing.

But if you have one of these creatures close by you will not believe the sound coming out of his body. He squeals loudly and then answers himself with a little bit softer squeal.

One time, many years ago, my husband and I heard this loud squealing. Several nights in a row we would hear this noise. My husband decided that it was a wild turkey out in the woods. The sound continued until one day my husband spent a good bit of the late evening tracking it down.

Turns out, there was a tree frog caught in a pipe right outside our bedroom. My husband rescued him and we gratefully slept that night without the squealing sound. It was amazing what a loud sound could come from such a small frog.

After seeing the little tree frog, I thought about how small he is and how loud he is. Maybe, his loud mouth is his way of getting attention in this great big world. We all need to get attention. Some of us do it by having our talent displayed. Some children do it by breaking all of the rules. Others do it by being like the tree frog; yelling out loud.

It is important for all of us to be heard. We each need to get our share of the attention. It is important for us to feel that we can safely share our opinions and voice our objections. We need to say to the world, “Here I am. I am here. Notice me”. And if I have to interrupt or disagree with everything, or be louder than others, it is OK. Because I have a personal need to get all the attention that I can.

God makes all of us differently. He allows our personalities to show us off in different ways. I have to remember that when someone jumps over others to be the center of attention. I must try and be extra tolerant when someone pushes their way in.

Just like the tiny tree frog, people use their voices to get the attention that they need. I appreciate the way God has made this beautiful world. I love the tiny tree frog. Squeal on and let’s be heard.

Patience

On By SandraIn faith, gratitudeLeave a comment

Today I was looking out of my bedroom window at the lake. I saw him again; the majestic blue heron. Each morning he stands at the end of the boat ramp. He is huge and he is magnificent. He is poised in such a gracious style as he stands there.

But what gets me is he stands there for hours and does not move a muscle. He is perfectly still. It is as if he were a statue. I will go about my chores and I look out and he is still standing there in the same spot not even moving his head.

I should hope to have such patience. My wonderful husband had all the patience that one could hope for. He would wait on you if you were late. He never complained.  He would play with children and wait on them to take the next move in the game even, if they were slow. He would wait patiently for the children to choose their flavor of ice cream at the store, even if it took many different tries of tasting all of the samples. He would not hurry a person up if we were playing cards.

I, on the other hand, was always the “hurry up, we have to move it” person. I could lose my patience in a heartbeat. In fact, I guess you could say I had no patience in the first place. I have always been a go, go, go, person. I tried but I have never learned to slow down and smell the roses. It has always been a fault of mine and I wish I were different.

Another example of patience is going through a museum. My husband would read every sign and digest each exhibit. He gave thoughtful presence to each piece as he encountered it. I could go into the museum, gaze at the exhibits and be finished in a matter of minutes. I had no patience for standing there, reading all the dates, looking at all of the examples and devouring the information..

I think about my patience with God; or my lack of patience with God. There are many times that I pray for particular things. There is a scripture that says, you don’t ask for it you won’t get it. So I pray for things. Sometimes they are small things. Sometimes they are large things. Sometimes I feel my prayers are answered. Sometimes I feel they are not. But as I reflect on my prayers, I have to say, God has supplied all of my needs. Truthfully, who needs more?

Timing is everything. I find that many times I am not patient enough to stop and listen to the still, small voice that is God. I am so wanting things to be done on my schedule that I miss being in tune with God.

I am trying to take a lesson from the beautiful blue heron that God allows me to watch each morning. I am trying to slow down, stand in one place for a longer period of time, quietly assess the world and listen for God to talk to me. I will never show the incredible power of concentration that this lovely bird has, but I am learning.  I am trying.  I am taking his example as a gift of God to help me develop more patience.

James 1:4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

IT IS JUST ME

On By SandraIn death, faith, grief, lossLeave a comment

It is amazing.  I grew up knowing I should be married. I fell in love with a wonderful man. I shared a life with him. Fifty-four years we were together.

As God said, “We became one”. Then one day he left. He joined God. But he left me behind.

It is just me.

I feel so alone at times. I am sad that he is gone.  It is as if I have lost my being. I have lost my understanding of life. I don’t know what is expected of me. What is my goal for the rest of my life. I don’t know what God wants me to accomplish. What is my purpose?

I carry on each day.  I try to work on the dreams that we built together. I work hard to stay busy and to finish projects that were important to the two of us. But I wonder, does it really matter? Were we living out a dream of things that were important to us but not important to God? Should I just give it all up and stop trying to complete our dreams?

I sometimes feel so alone. I have a very loving family. They are so good to me. They care, they are concerned and they try to be sure to care for me. I have friends that love me, communicate with me and want the best for me.

However, I find that I am alone.

It is just me.  

In the midst of all the love of my  family and my friends, I am still alone. The eighth month was very hard. I am feeling my alone-ness more than ever before. I miss my best friend. It is as if part of my body was amputated that day in July. Whether it was my limbs or my spirit, it has disappeared. I feel so alone.

When I am with others, I laugh and joke as part of a social group, but I am still alone. I know when I am interacting that I am playing a charade because I feel that part of me is no longer there. I act as though I am still all together but I am really alone.

God promised that He would care for me. I know that promise to be true. He has cared for me. I am making it financially. I am existing in the world. His presence is with me as I go through each day. I cannot say that God has forsaken me. He has kept His promise and has cared for me. But I sometimes feel so sad and alone.

Maybe I am selfish. Maybe I feel that I need more than is due me. I don’t know. I just know that there is a void. There is a deep hole. There is a part of me that hurts so hard it takes my breathe away.

I was not prepared to deal with the depth of this hurt.

I pray hard for forgiveness of my selfish spirit that I should expect happiness. I pray that God will understand the bottomless pit of my hurt. I pray that He knows the agony of my loneliness. That He will not hold it against me. I trust Him. I love Him. I know that He has a plan and that I am in His hands. Also, I know somehow that this deep hurt that I feel has a meaning and will be used to His greater good.

I know that from the moment we met, my husband and I were meant for each other and we were God’s children. We loved Him, served Him and lived for Him. Therefore, I know that in the overall plan of God for our lives, my husband was called home and I was left to be here for Him. It is just really hard. I hope I am doing it the way my God would want me to live.

Even if that means that I feel so alone.

Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

One of the many Voids

On By SandraIn grief, loss2 Comments

As life rolls along, we are not very conscious of the specifics of daily actions.  We get caught up in our to do list, take actions and perform tasks and count it as normal behaviors.  We don’t sit down each night and evaluate what was done, by whom and whether the actions were excellent, good or poor.

Most of us live with others and we melt together as each person takes on roles and responsibilities.  Some people fix the coffee each morning, others load the dishwasher, while others pay bills or cook.  The fact is, all of us fall into a routine of doing our thing.

I enjoy cleaning while Ray, my husband, was a lover of laundry.  I did the taxes while he paid the bills.  After 53 years, we were a great team that had divided all chores and did not have to say, “Are you going to take out the trash?”

You may say we had fallen into a comfortable living where we very seldom had to ask each other their thoughts or feelings.  We just knew because we had shared everything and had grown to be almost one.  I think that is a successful marriage.  We never took each other for granted but we had a definite division of labor.

Since July when he died, I find myself overwhelmed with tasks that I never had to do before.  I am at the beach house and we have just survived 8 days of subfreezing weather.  It seems like it was a month.

Dripping water each night to keep the lines from freezing.  Trying to understand what to do with water lines under the pools and how to turn breaker boxes off to protect things.  Figuring out how to turn off water to the house because there are now leaks in water lines because we are finally above freezing.

I had to hire plumbers, electricians, and painters.  I had always been the 2nd in command of our many building projects, but now find I am the leader.

I am not qualified to be the leader.  This is being baptized by fire.  I am using a compressor, a nail gun, buying equipment and making decisions as if I were trained to do it.

Frankly, I would much rather be 2nd in command.  It was so comforting knowing that Ray knew what he was doing and I could just relax.  But there are two lessons in what I am now going through.

  1. Husbands, thank your wife each day for the great job she is doing as she juggles her schedule and does her assigned tasks. Wives, thank your husband each day and hug him for all the things he does in his role and his assigned tasks.
  2. Pretend that your partner might disappear tomorrow and you have to do your and your partners chores.  Pay attention to the details.  How do you care for the car?  Where are the records for the maintenance of the house and the vehicles?

Have discussions on each others’ tasks so you will know how it is done, who needs to be notified, what vendors are your favorite, and what skills you need to be able to take over.

Over and over I say, pay attention.  You are not promised tomorrow.  But as much as Ray and I talked about the possibility, I have so much to learn by trial and error.

Thankfully, I think I am doing pretty good.  But I know that I cannot take the credit.  God is with me every morning as I think of the new chores I have to accomplish.  He is guiding me and helping me and I am so thankful.  It is not easy doing both jobs.  But I am learning.