I had an epiphany the other day.
I. Am. Alone.
I guess as you read this you would say, “Really, you are just realizing that?” But yes, it just became so apparent to me that I am all alone. I realized that we are all traveling through this world alone; as an individual.
We come into this world as a single being. Although we have relationships, we are still individuals. Some of us have very good relationships. We have close friends with which we can share both the happy times, as well as our sad times. In fact, some folks share every intimate detail with close friends. Some of us never have close friends and we are only comfortable sharing a limited amount of our lives with others.
In retrospect, I had a great relationship with my parents. I don’t remember having many moments that were trying with them. They were reasonable, flexible, and easy to get along with all of my life. My mother died at 98 1/2 years old and was a good friend the entire time. My brothers were younger and different from me, but we always got along.
I left my parents home after college and married my best friend. We had 54 1/2 years of great friendship. It was such an amazing journey through life with him. We enjoyed years of goal setting and accomplishments. We were partners in raising six children and fulfilling our mutual desires. We dreamed our dreams and worked on them through the years. We sort of melted into one person, instead of two, living together.
Then, life happened, and he left me abruptly. I now realize I came into this world as an individual…I traveled these years as an individual…I will leave this world as an individual.
I cannot expect anyone to be responsible for me. I don’t have to get permission from anyone to do something. Sometimes there is no one that actually knows what I am doing or cares what I am doing.
I am alone.
As this concept occurs to me, I find that there is some good and some not so good things to this. The good is the independence. If I want to eat chocolate all day I can do that. I am the only one that is accountable. But eating chocolate alone is no fun. As a person that always had a partner, I really prefer the connection to another person. I want someone to know where I am and what I am doing.
There are lessons to be learned here. First, I think we have to appreciate the persons with which we are connected. With all of their faults or irritations, we need to stop and consider that if they were not there, we would be so lonesome.
Second, I think we need to prepare ourselves for the alone-ness. What will you do if you find yourself alone without people around you. Do you have hobbies? Do you have projects to do? Can you amuse yourself enough to be alone? Do you feel comfortable reaching out and starting over to find new relationships?
I am very alone.
I am experiencing major loneliness.
My comfort so far has come as I am experiencing a great joy in my relationship with God. I am trying to deal with this new individual life. It is God’s will and he will give me the courage to be alone. Then someday, as an individual, I will return again to God just as I came alone from Him.